Memory's Moon
by Agnes Acacia
Summary: Remus Lupin's memories as he loses his dearest friends, the grief that follows before ultimately finding his way back to Harry, and back to the wizarding world. Relive the events of HP through the eyes of the surviving Marauder as he grieves, fights, and falls in love.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Remus remembers the last time he saw James Potter. How could he not? It was one of the tensest moments of his life. A moment that if he could go back in time, he'd do over differently in about every way possible. Not just because his guilt ridden mind thinks he could have somehow saved him and Lily from their inevitable fate, but because he knows in that moment James's trust in him wavered. He remembers the look on James's face. Such shock, such disbelief, such fear. But it was a long time coming, Remus knows that now. But at the time, he was so blind.

They had all been gathered in Godric's Hallow, at James and Lily's house. It had been early fall, Remus remembers that. It was just after the harvest moon, the worst night of the year for him and he'd been exhausted.

"How can you say that?" James demanded of Sirius. "We've been making headway. We can't stop now."

Sirius shook his head. "It's over mate. At least, it is for you."

James slammed a fist down on the table. "I won't just stand by while you lot go and fight!"

"Think of your wife and child," Sirius hissed.

"YOU THINK I'M NOT THINKING OF THEM?" James roared. In the other room, Remus could hear Lily's soft voice trying to distract Harry from his father's rage.

Remus looked to Peter, meeting his eyes in silent deliberation. Do they intervene? When James and Sirius squared off like this, there was not much to be done, at least not without fear of being hexed in the process. But this wasn't just some argument over who won at gobstones...

"James," Remus began. "You can't think we don't-"

"Don't you start, Remus," James rounded in disbelief. "What if we told you to quit? What if we packed you away and told you to be a good little wolf?"

A spark of rage flamed to life in his stomach. "I would be bloody glad! You have no idea the world I have to live in! The lies I have to tell. Dumbledore throws me to the wolves, literally, and you talk to me of sacrifice?"

"Sacrifice?" scoffed James. "I've heard the way you talk of it. Living with your kind. You are happier than you've ever been. Don't deny it!"

It was true, loathe as Remus was to admit it. When Dumbledore sent Remus to the underground werewolf community, he'd been terrified at first. He'd met a few other wolves in the past, but none whom he wanted to keep regular company. They were vulgar, wild things, living away from wizarding society. But Remus had gone, without complaint and with his head held high, and what he found was...not what he expected. Yes, his fellow wolves were a rough bunch. Crude, but loyal. Always loyal. He found friends among his new pack that rivaled the friends he stood with now. While James, Sirius and Peter were good men who would do anything for him, they just didn't understand...not the way the pack did.

But there were dangers. He had a mission after all. Voldemort's Death Eaters were recruiting werewolves left and right, and it was up to Remus to keep an ear out to their plans while subtly gaining the trust of his pack enough to have influence over their actions. It was delicate, tricky work. He'd had to witness things that had turned his stomach, watched horrors without being able to intervene. Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to find a place to run and hide from it all. In a way, he did envy James. He'd be hidden, safe. While Remus continued to live this double life. But at the same time… he was the happiest he'd ever been.

He saw the distrust on James's face. What could he say? The man was right.

"I do what I must," Remus said tightly. "As we all do."

"James," said Peter, chiming in for the first time, coming to Remus's aid, as he often did. He was a good friend, Peter. "You must see the reason in all this. If you-know-who wants you dead, what else is there to do but hide?"

James gave Peter a look that would have set him ablaze if he'd been holding a wand. "He wants us all dead. I'm no coward," he spat. "I will not hide from this tyrant."

"Then you have killed your own son!" Remus said sharply. "You heard Dumbledore, this is not about you. It's about Harry. Will you not even hide to save your child?"

For the first time James's face showed fear. Feeling he'd gone too far, Remus stepped forward and put a hand on James's shoulder but the man shrugged him away angrily. He paced the room, looking furious. "Even if I am to hide," Jame said, "Who's to say we stay hidden?" He looked wildly around at his friends. "The Death Eaters are always one step ahead of us and we all know why. Someone is passing information along."

"Well it's damn well not one of us," Sirius said, shocked as if James had just suggested one of them was actually a unicorn. "We're your brothers."

James's fury did not ebb. Instead he shot a glare in Remus's direction. "I thought we were," James muttered. "I'm not so sure anymore."

"Now what's that supposed to mean?" Remus said quietly, dangerously.

"Just what I said," countered James, accusation thick in his voice. "You've been too chummy lately with those wolves of yours. Reckon you ought to join their cause, eh? Passing them inside information so you gain their trust? I know you told them about the McKinnons."

Remus felt a growl roll out of him. It rose from deep in his throat and escaped involuntarily. It was true, he'd told his pack about the mission the Mckinnons were on, but it was on Dumbledore's orders. It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did. Remus didn't mean for them to die.

James took a step back, looking at Remus like he'd never seen him before. Remus realized too late that he'd bared his teeth and was crouched as if ready to attack. But he couldn't help it. It was getting harder and harder to control his wolfish instincts, the rage that was always threatening to burst to the surface. Most of his life he'd managed to keep it clamped down, hidden behind a mild manner and calm temper. But not anymore. His pack was showing him there was no shame in what he was. He didn't need to pretend with them, not like he did with his school friends. Maybe that's all they were to him now, he thought as he angrily looked from the startled looks on both Sirius and Peter's faces. They didn't understand him, didn't accept him. Maybe he ought to really put in his lot with the werewolves. Maybe James was right.

Remus straightened up slowly, painfully, as if his body were made of iron. He looked into the faces of each of his friends. The ones he'd once called brothers. All he saw was distrust and fear. "If you don't trust me," he said calmly. "Then I will be going." He picked up his cloak and stepped into the fireplace. No one tried to stop him.

Looking back, Remus realizes that James had been afraid and angry. That he hadn't meant to push Remus so far. But, Remus reasons to himself, he was also afraid and angry. They all were. Maybe that's why Peter did what he did. Even now, knowing Peter is currently at the aid of Lord Voldemort, Remus just can't picture it. Peter, the same person who was terrified of Professor McGonnagal scolding him for late homework, the same person who didn't dare ask out Matilda Cherryroot even though she clearly fancied him, the same boy who invited poor, shabby Remus to Christmas pudding every year even though his parents were terrified of Peter's "werewolf friend."

But, he supposes it is more believable than Sirius being the one, as he'd believed for so long. Remus was back amongst the wolves when he learned of Voldemort's fall, and about James and Lily. The pack he'd joined called themselves the Mine Wolves because they lived in an abandoned gem mine in the Scottish countryside. Their alpha was an old man known only by his surname, Root.

It was Halloween night and the pack was celebrating with a feast. Jack'o'lanterns lined the tunnels and there were sweets and succulent meats. Someone had roasted a wild boar for the occasion and the mine was thick with the smell of cooking flesh that made Remus's mouth water. It reminded him of Halloween feasts at Hogwarts and he'd thought of his school friends for the first time in days. After storming away from Godric's Hallow, Remus had tried hard to put them out of his mind. Every time he thought of them, all he saw was their looks of shock and fear, fear of who he was. But Halloween was always the best time of year for the Marauders and without meaning to Remus began thinking back to happier times spent with his friends within the safe confines of Hogwarts, playing harmless pranks on people, gulping down butterbeer and gorging themselves on whatever sweets they could get their grubby hands on.

But Remus had new friends now. Brothers and sisters, really. And maybe a mate? He looked over at Charlotte, a beautiful young woman who had fierce blue eyes and dark hair that she wore chopped short with a crooked fringe as if she'd cut it herself. There weren't many women in the pack, just twenty or thirty compared to the fifty or so men. She had her pick of any of them, and for some reason, she'd chosen Remus. He'd been wary at first. She was feisty and strong willed where Remus was so reserved. But she'd taken an interest in him and she was slowly bringing him out of his shell, showing him there was no shame in being a wolf, actually taking pride in it. The concept was so foreign to him, but he couldn't help but be intoxicated by it.

Tonight she wore one of those rubber muggle Halloween masks. It was a wolf mask, and Charlotte thought the idea of dressing up as a werewolf as many muggle children did, hilarious. She removed the mask long enough to plant a long kiss on Remus's lips and he was so jubilant on firewhiskey and the smell of rare meat that he forgot to be embarrassed when the pack wolf whistled.

Root had called everyone together around midnight. "I've just received an owl from the village," he said gravely. "There are rumors that the Dark Lord is dead."

"Dead?" said Charlotte, from beside Remus. She looked confused, terrified...and hopeful? That's all that Remus cared about right now, the fact that Charlotte was hopeful the dark lord was dead. Of all the wolves Remus was trying to influence against Voldemort, Charlotte was by far the most resistant. She wasn't a bad person, not like the death eaters, but she was a pragmatist. Her main objective was to keep the pack safe.

Unlike Remus, she did not attend Hogwarts. Few of the pack did. His experience was unique in that. Many of the wolves in his pack who were bitten as children were kept at home, trained by their parents if they were lucky. Those that were not, were abandoned or lost. Charlotte was one of those. All she remembered is waking up alone in the woods. Root had found her, brought her to the pack. She'd grown up there, it's all she'd ever known.

When the Death Eaters came recruiting they made promises, but they also made threats. Charlotte was wary of wizards. With no formal magical training, her abilities were limited. She had a wand, one she'd stolen from a witch in a pub one night several years prior, and while she'd done her best with it, she only knew a few basic spells. Certainly not enough to defend herself against the most powerful wizard of all time. And she wasn't alone. Most of the pack was that way. They were afraid of what the death eaters could do. But they were also entranced by the promises they offered, of being considered equals in society.

Remus had tried his best to convince them all that these were empty promises. Voldemort valued blood above all, and their blood was tainted. But Charlotte was afraid. They all were. What choice did they have?

But now, if what Root said was true, Voldemort was dead. The threat was gone. Charlotte met Remus's gaze and there was definitely hope there. He almost missed what Root said next.

"The rumor is that the Dark Lord went after a baby. And this baby is the one that killed him."

Remus's head snapped around. "Who was this child?" he demanded suddenly. Root looked at him. "What is this child's name?"

Root glanced down at the message he carried. "It says the boy's name is Harry Potter."

The room spun. Harry? But how? They were supposed to be hidden. Dumbledore had told him just a week ago that James had agreed to the Fidelus charm. He, Lily and Harry were safe. There was no way to break the Fidelus charm. No way. That is, unless the secret keeper gave their location. But who would…? Sirius would be the secret keeper, naturally. Who would James trust more than him? And Sirius would never. Even under pain of torture, under the threat of death, surely... They had to have done something wrong. Maybe James had gotten bored, ventured out? But, he would never be that stupid, or that selfish. James and Lily would do anything to protect their son… But wait. James and Lily, did this mean…?

"What of the parents?" Remus demanded. "What's it say of the parents?"

Root's eyes narrowed. Until now Remus had done well at hiding his connection to his friends in the order. He tried to calm his racing heart. He had to keep up appearances, just in case the rumor was wrong. Because that's all it was, right? A rumor?

He took a deep breath and turned away. Charlotte was in deep discussion with a group of wolves so he took advantage of her being distracted and darted away. He found an empty passage and took out his wand. Taking a deep breath, he apparated to Godric's Hallow.

What he saw when he opened his eyes made his knee buckle. The house, Lily and James's little house, was a ruin. A crowd had gathered around it. Witches and wizards talking excitedly, staring in wonder. Remus pushed himself through them all. Hit wizards had put up a magical tape barrier to keep the onlookers out, but in Remus's terror, he blasted right through it. Before the hit wizards could stop him, he'd darted inside.

"James!" he called out. "Lily!" They clearly weren't there. He knew it before he'd even apparated. The house was just as he remembered it, except for the hole blasted in the ceiling of the living room. Looking up, he could see into Harry's nursery.

"Oh, no, no.." Remus ran his hands through his hair.

A pair of aurors pointed their wands at him. "You can't be in here," one of them said, but Remus hardly registered they were there. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands.

He felt a hand on his head and he looked up. Albus Dumbledore stood above him. His purple robes looked much too cheerful in the face of such destruction, but his eyes were so, so sad.

"Remus," he said.

"James?" he had to ask. He had to be sure. "Lily?"

Dumbledore shook his head. Remus's eyes blurred. At that moment he didn't care a lick if Voldemort was alive or dead, if the war was over or not. All he could think of was the last moment he'd seen James. The look on his face. Remus's shoulders shook with sobs.

"But, Harry is alive," Dumbledore said. Dumbly, Remus looked up at the ruined ceiling as if Harry would still be up in his bedroom. "He's with his aunt and uncle now," Dumbledore said, answering Remus's unspoken question.

"But..." Remus looked at Dumbledore. "What of Sirius? He's Harry's godfather...surely..."  
Dumbledore looked away sadly.

Then, looking around Remus had the sudden realization. They were home, James and Lily, when Voldemort came for them. He'd gotten through the Fidelus charm somehow, which could only mean… "No."

Dumbledore looked forlorn. "It seems our friend Sirius perhaps had his own agenda."

"I don't believe it," Remus said, his eyes now dry. Some new feeling was replacing his despair and he clung to it. "He would never. Never, even if they tortured him. They tortured him, did they? Is he still alive?"

Dumbledore shook his head. Then he told Remus what had happened just hours ago, on a crowded muggle street. Remus stared in disbelief. He started shaking his head before Dumbledore even finished. "No," he said again. "It can't be." But he'd never known Albus Dumbledore to be wrong.

He'd lost them all then. All three friends, gone in one night. He squeezed his eyes shut, shame and regret filling him again. Hadn't he just thought to himself that he was outgrowing them? That they didn't understand him, that he didn't need them anymore? Oh, how wrong he was. How, horribly, woefully wrong.

He cried there on the floor of James and Lily's ruined house for he didn't know how long. Dumbledore stayed with him, for he knew that Remus, more than anyone else alive, was grieving the most. He'd lost everything, all in one night. And while the rest of the wizarding world was rejoicing at the fall of Lord Voldemort Remus Lupin lay in a crumpled heap, remembering his lost friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Remus didn't go back to the pack.

After he'd put himself together and assured Dumbledore that he would be okay, he'd disapparated away. He wasn't sure where he was going, only that he wanted to put distance between himself and the ruin of James and Lily's last moments.

He spent a year wandering. He hadn't any gold to speak of and he couldn't bring himself to burden his parents with his depleted state. Channeling what he'd learned from the pack, he hunted alone in the woods, living on what he could find, sleeping under trees and in caves, staying far away from humans. He'd never been so wild in his life.

It was Alastor Moody who finally tracked him down and convinced him to return to wizarding society. With Moody's help he rented a flat in Diagon Alley and tried to find a job at one of the shops there, but people still remembered James and Lily Potter, they remembered their friends, and they remembered Lupin and what he was. Nothing took. Out of pity it seemed, Madam Malkin who had a werewolf in her family, allowed him to work part time, but as she began losing considerable business once people found out he was working there, she was forced to let him go.

Being unable to afford the flat in Diagon Alley, and tired of taking handouts from Moody, Remus set out again, this time back to Yorkshire, back to his family home.

He was again unwilling to burden his parents with his presence. They had been very tolerant of his condition, and he was thankful for all that they had done to ensure he led as normal a life as possible, but he knew his father's stand on lycanthropes and while Remus didn't quite believe being a werewolf was a source of pride, he didn't think he could handle his father's scorn. He'd grown up with his father's influence heavy upon him and he couldn't bear the disapproving looks he was bound to receive at Remus's rough appearance and current lifestyle.

Instead, he sent an owl asking his father if he could inhabit his great aunt Harriet's cottage as the woman had recently died and left all her possessions to the Lupin family. His father responded with a curt 'yes' and that was that.

The cottage was more of a shack than anything, but it had four walls and was located far enough away from the village that it fit Remus's needs perfectly. It was there that he dwindled away the years, doing odd jobs for the villagers, making short infrequent visits to see his parents, and reading. Being naturally studious, he devoted long hours to reading every volume he could get his hands on.

And it was there that Albus Dumbledore found him, twelve years later.

On that summer morning Remus had been drinking tea from a chipped teacup when he spied a spot of bright purple just outside his kitchen window. Standing up for a better look he had to rub his eyes to be sure he was seeing correctly. But there was no mistaking the man. Albus Dumbledore was standing in front of the shack.

Remus, of course, invited the man in, his mind buzzing with why he was here. He was a bit embarrassed that the last time he saw the headmaster he had been inconsolably crying, but he pushed that thought away.

Dumbledore looked around Remus's meager shack admirably. "Lovely," he nodded approvingly at a particularly hideous wall hanging that had been there when Remus moved in and hadn't bothered to remove.

Remus served tea from the chipped teacups and a metal kettle as Albus settled himself on the frumpy sofa.

"What can I do for you, Prof –er, Albus," Remus said. It had been so long since he'd seen the man, it was hard not to revert back to his school hood self.

"I have come to you, Remus, to ask you for a favor."

"A favor?" Remus said, his stomach churning. He already had his answer if he were asking him to return to the pack.

"You see, I am once again in need of a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. It has become a yearly quest of mine to obtain a new teacher, and I've had you in mind for a short while. I think," he said calmly, and for the first time looking around at the shabby surroundings with an air of slight disapproval, "that it is high time you return to us."

Remus was speechless. It was quite unexpected, being asked to be a teacher. "Surely, parents would not permit you to-"

"I am headmaster," Dumbledore interrupted. "It is my decision, not that of the parents. And regardless, we will not advertise that you are a werewolf if you do not wish it to be known. And you have heard of t he wolfsbane potion, have you not? I hardly believe it will even be necessary for you to frequent your old haunt during full moons. I see no problem with your condition."  
"How is it that you think I'm equipped to teach Defense and the Dark Arts? I've no formal education on the matter. I never went through any mastery programs. Surely there are others, more experienced, more educated..."

Remus trailed off at Dumbledore's amused expression. He gestured to the walls that were lined with books. "I say, a more educated person is hardly a possibility. Furthermore, you have the ability and experience of the Order of the Phoenix along with being Lyall Lupin's son, I daresay you know a great deal about Defense Against the Dark Arts."

When Remus still looked unconvinced, Albus leaned forward and took a sip of his tea before saying, "You do realize, Remus, that Harry Potter is now a student at Hogwarts."

Remus who had just lifted his own teacup, lowered it slowly. "I'd sorted that out, yes."

"Have you no desire to meet the boy?" Albus asked softly.

Remus cringed inwardly. He'd wondered about Harry Potter everyday for the past twelve years. He'd heard the stories of course. How he'd saved the Philosopher's Stone, rescued a young girl from the Chamber of Secrets. The Prophet was ablaze with it, the poor child's name plastering the pages every other week.

"I'm not sure the boy would want to meet me," Remus said softly.

"You think a boy who has grown up with no memory of his parents would not want to meet the man closest to them? Would not want to hear the countless stories you could offer him, the comfort you could give him? Now," he fixed Remus with a stern look. "Whatever row happened between you and James before he died is dust under the rug. I daresay if James were here he'd doubtlessly hex you for such thoughts."

Remus looked at Dumbledore with haunted eyes. The memory of their last night replaying in his mind. But the man was right. He owed it to James to meet his son, to watch over him, help him if he could.

"Well it's settled then!" Dumbledore stood grinning. "I shall see on the first of September!"

With that, the old wizard bid Remus good day and left the house, disapparating when he reached the front lawn.

It was only a few days later that Remus received an owl with the Daily Prophet bearing the news that Sirus had escaped Azkaban. He spent a long time looking at the photograph on the front page. The last time he'd seen Sirius Black was the same night he'd last seen both James and Peter. This photograph looked so unlike the man he knew it was almost unbelievable. The Sirius he knew had been handsome and quick to laugh. The man in the photograph looked haunted, sick, and deranged.

After all this time, Remus still couldn't bring himself to actually believe it. Sirius betraying James was like saying the sky wasn't blue. It just wasn't possible. Yet, here was the proof. Why would an innocent man escape Azkaban? How did he even do it?

The Prophet said Black escaped using dark magic, but Remus knew, deep in his darkest and most shameful places, he knew. Sirius escaped by transfiguring into his dog self. It was obvious, really. Sirius was probably walking around Diagon Alley right now, completely undetected as black, shaggy dog. He stared at the picture for a long time, contemplating whether to go straight to the authorities with the information that Sirius was an anamagus. But in the end, he just couldn't. He wasn't sure why, but he just couldn't bring himself to face that shame.

Authorities, it was reported in the Prophet, believed Black was after Harry Potter, trying to finish the job in the hopes Harry's death would bring back the Dark Lord. The photograph of Sirius on the cover of the Daily Prophet loomed out at him. The man Remus knew would never attempt to kill at thirteen year old child. But the man in the photograph? Well, Remus didn't know that man.

He supposed it was a good thing he was going to Hogwarts after all.

The first of September fell the day after the full moon waned. The harvest moon fell early that year, so Remus was still recovering from a very rough night indeed on the day he was to report to Hogwarts for the start of term. Too ill to apparate, Remus decided that his best option was to take the Hogwarts Express with all the students. That way he could rest, and still arrive on time.

He had very little luggage, among which he carried a suitcase that had his name engraved on it. Or rather, the name of his great, great uncle Raeburn Josiah Lupin but since they had the same initials Remus's mother had deemed it appropriate to award him with this small family heirloom, especially upon the news he delivered that he would be taking the teaching post at Hogwarts. It was a great, shining moment for his dear muggle mother when she presented the shabby old suitcase. "And look," she'd said in excitement. "it says 'Professor' see? Your dad's great uncle Raeburn was a professor himself! He taught at me muggle school, didn't you know? That's how I met your fadder!"

So it was with his hand-me-down luggage that he boarded the Hogwarts express on the dark and rainy day in September, feeling peaky to say the least. The train hadn't even left yet before Remus fell fast asleep in an empty compartment.

He'd woken into darkness. A chill had settled into his lungs that had nothing to do with his illness. Remus had read in the Daily Prophet that the search for Sirius Black had been so widespread that the ministry was allowing Dementors to participate in the search. And while he'd only seen a Dementor one before, it wasn't a feeling one forgot.

As his patronus took form and chased the Dementor away, Remus was both surprised and alarmed to find that one of the children in his compartment was none other than Harry Potter himself. Even though the poor boy was passed out cold, lying on his back with his glasses eskew, Remus would have known him anywhere. He looked so much like James did at that age. Remus was momentarily transported back in time to riding on the train with James as they embarked on their third year at Hogwarts together. It almost seemed like yesterday.

As the year progressed, Remus found that Harry Potter proved to be much like James in more than looks alone. He was a smart child, inquisitive, and funny but much more reserved than James ever was. Remus supposed that came from Lily, or from the fact that he grew up under very different circumstances than James whose creativity and rambunctiousness was encouraged, even adored. Remus found that if he spent too much time in the boy's company, he would revert to a happier self as if he was reminded of the fun James always presented rather than the tragedy of losing him.

It was a slippery slope though. Where Harry reminded Remus of happy boyhood, the constant talk of Sirius Black was a recurring reminder of the nightmare of James's passing. And then there was Snape to deal with. Snape, who had hated James more than it was probably possible to hate anyone, who hated Remus by association, no matter that Remus had never actually taken part in their teasing. To say Remus was worried about their reunion was an understatement, but Remus was pleasantly surprised to find that Snape seemed to have grown through the years. Gotten over his school day grudges and welcomed Remus, not with open arms, surely, but with a calm indifference. That is why his trust never wavered that Snape would not tamper with the wolfsbane potion, which he delivered, without fail every month.

His year at Hogwarts passed quietly and happily. He enjoyed his sessions with Harry, enjoyed the academic conversations he held with his fellow teachers, simply enjoyed being among witches and wizards again. Until that fateful night came when he was studying the Marauder's Map, quietly and lovingly reliving his school days with his friends when he saw two names pop up that he'd not been expecting.

Of course at first he thought he was dreaming. Too consumed with memories of course. But no, those names were definitely there and he was definitely awake. Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. It dawned on him then. All these years, of course. Peter had been the one. Why James entrusted the Fidelus charm to Peter was unclear, but whatever the reason it had to be true. They had to have switched, without telling Remus. Of course they wouldn't have told him, not after that explosive night after the harvest moon. He stared at the map a spare moment more before tearing out of his office and to the grounds. He knew where Sirius was taking them.

Entering the Shrieking Shack was like entering a dream. Everything was just as he'd left it some twenty years ago. The furniture still bore the unmistakable claw marks, the scratches on the carpet, there was even the distinct smell of wet animal still lingering. It brought back so many memories, but he didn't have time for them now. He sprinted up the stairs, following the trail of footprints and the smell of familiar bodies.

Throwing open the door revealed a scene he never wanted to see. Sirius sprawled on the ground, bruised and bloody with a furious Harry standing over him, wand pointed at Sirius's heart. But the sight of Sirius, after all these years...

"Expelliarmus!" he'd yelled, removing Harry, Hermione and Ron's wands.

He paused for a bare moment, looking down at his old friend. "Where is he, Sirius?" For where he expected to see both Sirius and Peter, he saw only one. But then, Peter was always better at hiding than anyone he'd ever met.

When Sirius pointed to the bed, Remus knew for sure. He approached Sirius and without hesitation, reached down and pulled his old friend into a furious embrace. Words could not describe how he felt in that moment, the way his heart soared. As all became known, as it became clear that Sirius had not betrayed and killed their friends, but it was Peter, well that was a whole new thing to swallow, but much easier now that he had Sirius back by his side. Sirius, and Harry. It was almost like having James back again. The whole gang. The Marauders.

The last thing he remembers before the moon caught up to him was listening as Sirius invited Harry to live with him. Remus had seen his old friend smile out of that haunted face and for the first time, in a long time, he felt whole. He found himself hoping, dreaming, that he could live with them too. Maybe he and Sirius could make up for the parents the boy had lost. The three of them, quite the family….

Then the moon hit and the next thing he knew he was waking up in the Forbidden Forest, naked and alone, horror struck that Peter had escaped and Sirius was undoubtedly back in custody.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Four

Learning of Sirius's escape and of Harry and Hermione's involvement was one of the strangest, albeit happiest moments of Remus's life. Listening as the two young students told him the story was like listening to James and Sirius telling a particularly wild tale. It had it all, adventure, mischief, definitely rule breaking to the nth degree. He couldn't stop the smile from warping his scratched face.

His confrontation with Severus was another story. The man was simply livid that he'd been disarmed by the three children, that Black had been allowed to escape and that Lupin had done nothing to prevent it. He was further infuriated that Dumbledore refused to fire Remus and was therefore ruthless in his revenge as he made it quite known that Remus was a werewolf to a few of the more particular parents, namely Lucius Malfoy who led the witch hunt to rid Remus from his teaching post indefinitely.

It was only a matter of time, Remus reasoned, and not wholly unexpected. He left Hogwarts to resume his residence in Aunt Harriet's shack. He immediately sent an owl to find Sirius (wherever he was) and insisted that he join Remus at his home. It took several weeks but finally late one night Remus heard the beating of large wings followed by a low bark that woke him from deep sleep. Outside he found a peculiar sight of a large hippogriff and a familiar dog.

Sirius waited until he was inside the shack before morphing back into his human form. He lurched into Lupin's waiting arms and the two friends spent that evening reminiscing over a bottle of aged fire whiskey. Sirius stayed with Lupin for several weeks that summer. They spent their time in companionable banter and often they lost themselves in memories of the past, with sporadic mentions of Harry and his friends. Lupin told Sirius all about Harry as a student, how his friends Ron and Hermione reminded him of James and Sirius. They pointedly did not talk about Peter. At all.

One morning Remus was cooking breakfast while Sirius slept soundly on the rumpled sofa. Remus didn't bother trying to keep quiet, the man could sleep through anything. A knock disrupted Remus from his task and without much of a thought, he went to the door and peered out. He thought it might be the boy from the village who often came by with fresh eggs and vegetables for sale. But instead of the country youth he expected, he saw a young witch he didn't recognize. She was wearing black robes with the gold emblem proclaiming she worked for the department of magical law enforcement.

Remus turned quickly and kicked the still sleeping Sirius in the foot.

Sirius snorted awake. "Oy-" he was silenced with a swish of Remus's wand. Sirius glared at first before realizing someone was outside. Remus held a finger to his lips and gestured wildly at Sirius to disappear.

Sirius had procured a wand some weeks prior from an unsuspecting wizard who had a personal affinity for canines. He now flicked the wand and turned on his heel, apparating out of the shack with a loud crack that Remus did his best to muffle by dropping a stack of dirty plates in the sink hoping that whoever was outside would confuse Remus's fear with the effort of straightening up a rather dismal bachelor's flat.

Once Remus was sure that Sirius was safely gone, he went to the front door and hurled it open. The witch who stood on the other side was striking, with a small heart shaped face framed perfectly by a coif of shockingly pink hair. Remus was momentarily stunned. It'd been a long time since he'd seen anyone so remarkable. Her eyes, though bright with eager delight, also whipped around expertly. It was only after a second glance at the woman's robes did he realize she was from the auror department. With a sinking in his stomach, Remus realized this visit wasn't a welcome one.

"Good morning," the witch said. "My name is Nymphadora Tonks. I am here on official ministry of magic business. You will have received my owl, yes?"  
"Er, no..." Remus said, quickly moving aside as the witch made to enter the shabby house. She stepped inside with an air of confidence, as if she had visited on many occasions.

"Ah, well. You know how the post is… probably got lost, the ruddy bird." She took off her cloak and handed it to a befuddled Remus before settling herself comfortably on the sofa which had so recently been inhabited by none other than the wanted criminal this woman was doubtlessly hunting.

"Ah—What's this about then?" Remus asked, still standing stiffly at the door holding the discarded cloak.

"Bloody hell!" the woman suddenly exclaimed. Lupin whirled around, following the woman's gaze out the window.

"Is that a hippogriff?" she asked him.

Remus's throat tightened. Buckbeak stood outside nosing around in the back woods. "It is," Remus said curtly.

"Strange pets, you've got," said the woman, still peering out the window in fascination.

"Er..yes," Remus responded, thinking quickly. "You will have heard of my father? He works at the Ministry in the department of regulation and control of magical creatures. I'm afraid I've inherited his fascination of magical beasts."

The auror eyed him with interest. "Interesting childhood you might have had, then?"

"Er-yes. Now, Ms. Tonks, was it? May I ask why you're here again? Last I checked owning a hypogriff is not against the law."

"I've been sent to discuss the disappearance of notorious criminal Sirius Black," the woman said, crossing her arms and squaring her body. "You are his boyhood friend, are you not?"

"I am."

"Well then, just protocol of course. They've got me tracking a few lose ends, you see. You were one of the last known people to have seen him. That bit of excitement at Hogwarts? No one's seen hide nor tail of him since."

Remus shifted nervously. Tail, indeed. Was this woman hinting that she knew of Sirius's animagus? Or was she merely being cheeky?

"I suppose you think he's innocent?" Nymphadora Tonks said. She quirked an eyebrow at him in a way that made Remus's stomach do a series of mysterious loops.

Gathering himself, he replied. "As a matter of fact, I do. You see, Peter Pettigrew-"

"Yes, yes, I've heard the tale," she cut him off. "But what I'm really asking is whether you'd even disclose information on his whereabouts to me even if you had it at your disposal?"

Remus opened his mouth and closed it, pressing his lips into a hard line.

"I thought not," she clucked her tongue. "That's a pity, you see, because you've just made my job a great deal harder. I'm instructed to keep an eye on you, Mr. Lupin. You will have heard that Hogwarts is to be host to the Triwizard Tournament this year?"

At Remus's blank expression, she continued. "Well, as you might imagine, the school opening its doors to such an event leaves quite a bit at stake when it comes to security. The minister has taken particular cautions in the protection of Harry Potter, and as it is believed that Sirius Black intends the boy harm, it is the utmost importance that the criminal is caught. No one wants to attend an event at the very place a notorious killer was last spotted, do they? That's where I come in. And you. We are going to work together, you and I."

"Oh, we are, are we?"

"Indeed. I'll be popping in from time to time, just to check and see if you've had any word from Black. And if you have need to contact me, please send an urgent owl, or better yet, floo to the ministry. In the meantime, good day to you, Mr Lupin."

With that, this mysterious and energetic woman stood to leave. Remus was baffled as he watched her go. He followed as she stepped outside and peered once again at Buckbeak. "Mind if I say hello?" she asked. Not waiting for permission she approached Buckbeak, bowing lowly. As the great beast bowed back, Nymphadora shot Remus a delighted grin before patting Buckbeak's great head.

As Remus watched her finally apparate away, he found himself thinking that her shockingly pink hair was perhaps the least remarkable thing about her.

Thus started one of the most interesting and infuriating years of Remus Lupin's life. Sadly Remus had to send Sirius away. It obviously wouldn't be safe to have him there while a ministry auror promised to be 'popping in' from time to time. The fugitive took it well enough, but it wasn't hard to see that the man had gotten quite comfortable in Remus's little shack, and the thought of going into hiding in the wilderness was less than pleasant. But Sirius had Buckbeak, which would have to be company enough.

Remus on the other hand, had other worries. The ministry official, Nymphadora Tonks, was indeed a frequent visitor. Her appearance, while alarming at first, had quickly become a somewhat welcome sight. Remus couldn't help himself. He liked the woman. She was energetic and smart, and despite the fact that her very presence threatened his freedom and that of his dearest friend, he found himself looking forward to seeing that bright speck of pink blinking into view. On many occasion her visits would turn into lively discussions about books they'd read, spells the preferred and each regaling the other with stories of their respective time at Hogwarts.

They were happy times for Remus. For the first time in quite a while he found he wasn't lonely.

And that, in and of itself, was a bit worrying.

In between her sporadic visits, Remus's summer was speckled with thoughts of Harry and of Sirius. Guilt swam in Remus's stomach whenever he thought of either of them. Somehow he couldn't help but feel as if he'd abandoned them both.

Several weeks after departing from Remus's shack, Sirius sent a letter. It was carried by a large brightly colored bird and Remus read it eagerly, praying Nymphadora wouldn't make an appearance that day for the letter was a clear indication that he was in contact with Sirius. It read:

 _Remus,_

 _I write to you from the sunny shores of a faraway land. I will not disclose my exact location in case that ministry hag is reading this with you. If you are reading this, Ministry Hag, please do me the lovely honor of kissing my recently suntanned arse._

Remus snorted as he read Ministry Hag. He had a bizarre thought that Nymphadora was many things, and hag was definitely not one of them.

 _To Remus, my friend, I say, I wish you were here. This land is so unlike your rotten Yorkshire countryside that it's laughable. The thought that I had preferred your lumpy old sofa to my very posh and beautiful paradise! The water here is a brilliant blue like I've never seen, the sky so clear and open. After all those years in Azkaban, it seems like a dream to be alive and out here in the open. And the girls, Remus! You wouldn't believe the girls. You know better than most that I have a weakness for muggle women and this place is lush with them. Girls of all shapes and colors...they love me. They think I'm witty and brilliant and oh, Remus, after all this time it feels so good to feel the touch of another human being again. I've been making up for lost time, old friend. I daresay, our James would be quite envious. Though the poor man never could see past that little tart Lily. Oh, how I miss them so. Every day that passes makes those years in Azkaban seem like a terrible dream. Sometimes I feel as if I had gone to sleep thirteen years ago and just now woken up. At times I catch myself thinking about dropping James and Lily an owl, reaching out to you and Peter to meet up at the pub. Perhaps I really have gone mad. Perhaps I'm still in my cell in Azkaban lost in the madness of my own mind. These are the thoughts that haunt me._

 _I've been writing to Harry every now and then. He seems quite miserable, though he tries to hide it. I hate to think of him with those horrible muggles. I try to remember Lily talking about her sister and brother in law, but I just have no memories of it. She didn't talk about her family much, did she? I could be wrong, I was a selfish old git back then and never did pay anyone any mind. Merlin, if I could go back in time and talk to Lily just once more… I shouldn't do this to myself, Remus. I'm living on regrets. It's a habit I learned in Azkaban._

 _I feel a bit isolated out here, living amongst muggles. The wizards here are a bit hard to spot, but I avoid them as much as I can though the fact that they would recognize me is a bit farfetched. Nevertheless, doesn't hurt to be a bit careful. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my muggle companions, and I daresay they are enjoying me as well._

 _Sirius_

Remus smiled as he set the letter down. The thought of Sirius enjoying bright sunshine and warm bodies after all those years in Azkaban… The brightly colored bird clucked at him impatiently. Remus sat down with a fresh piece of parchment and quill to pen a response.

 _Sirius,_

 _I'm pleased to hear you are doing well. Sunshine and muggle girls have always suited you and I am overjoyed you have found solace in both once again. I can't help but be reminded of the time James's parents took us all on holiday to Australia and you grew quite attached to...what was her name? Cindy or something like that? That is of course until her father discovered you. I'd never seen a muggle gun before, but the noise it made was quite louder than I'd expected. James's father had had a time of covering up that hex you'd cast at the man. And Cindy, beside herself, that one. Let's hope you use better judgment wherever you are._

 _The ministry hag, as you call her, has been poking around quite a bit, though I must admit, hag she is not. Quite the contrary, in fact. She seems quite competent and willing to listen as I proclaim your innocence. She is just doing her job, after all, as she is loathe to remind me daily. We must forgive her, Sirius. She seems to be but a sacrificial lamb, used by the ministry to keep up appearances that they are making an effort to find you, however small that might actually be._

 _Days go by and I feel as if she knows things I do not. Rumors have been sweeping the country lately. Apparently a witch in the ministry has gone missing after visiting Albania. Yes, Albania, the very place Voldemort was last rumored to be. The witch is Bertha Jorkins. Remember her from school? I thought you might considering she was the one who'd caused all that fuss about you and Marlene. Although to be fair, you were shagging the two of them, you old sod._

Remus paused wondering if it were healthy for he and Sirius to reminisce on their school times so often. But then, it _was_ all they had. The years after Hogwarts were hard times. They had all joined the order and their assignments were dangerous and often required long stretches of being apart from one another. Remus had been sent to the wolves. James, Lily and Sirius had worked many secret missions and tasks that Dumbledore and Moody had orchestrated. They were such talented young minds back then. They'd battled Voldemort himself on three separate occasions and had lived to tell the tale. That was more than many more seasoned aurors could say.

And Peter...ah, Peter. Who knows what Peter had been up to all that time. They had thought they were doing him a favor by leaving him out of the missions. He'd never been the most talented of wizards and he often let fear get the better of him. Remus remembered James once proclaiming that his biggest fear was watching Peter die. Poor, sweet Peter, always wanting to please, always there with a helping hand even if that hand was fumbling. They'd always protected him. Took him under their wing, helped him in classes, with spells. They were good friends to him. Remus gritted his teeth angrily as the bite of betrayal crept back in. Sometimes he still couldn't believe what Peter had done. What he was doing…

Turning back to his letter, Remus studied his words. His eyes burned. Yes, perhaps it was best to stick to those carefree school memories. Everything afterward had just been...well. Enough of that.

 _Nevertheless,_ he continued. _Best to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. We both know what Dumbledore said. He's not really gone. He will return. And when he does, we must be ready for him. For James, for Lily, and most of all, for Harry._

 _Your bird has begun to peck at my fingers, eager to escape this rotten Yorkshire countryside and get back to whatever sunny paradise you now reside. Stay safe Sirius. We will speak soon._

 _Remus_


End file.
